i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
