I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she looked like the before picture.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
