Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i think i just lost a toe
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize