No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
