youre lurking in front of me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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