I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
