I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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