Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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