I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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