I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
