The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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