im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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