sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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