my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
