Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
