Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
