my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
