You just made me feel so damn special
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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