and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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