remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up under a house in Key West
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