We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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