worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm passing your future prison.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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