nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
