I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
