Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
