I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm bleeding and have questions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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