Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
