I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
