textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
