i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Come share oat with me in your robe
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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