My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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