FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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