we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
