We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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