i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
