FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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