My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Text me some of your sweat
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