Apparently you make a good broom.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
