Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
