Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
