Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
