Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
