Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
