I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
