I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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