i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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