Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
