The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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