D3 body, D1 cock
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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