This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
