Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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