I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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