I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
