There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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