Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
