woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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