He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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