My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
