I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
