Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so let's talk penis.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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