May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
