I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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