..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
