I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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