It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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