I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
